im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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