just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my being single is dangerous.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
