**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
