Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
