He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
