Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My feet surprised me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
