I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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