I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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