just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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