When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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