Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
