I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
