You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
