He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
