So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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