I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
