In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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