Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
