I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
