STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
