wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
