the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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