yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
