it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
