You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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