Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
