On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
