i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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