Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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