The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize