i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is wine microwaveable?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize