singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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