If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We're too hungover to prance.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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