I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize