My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
