You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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