why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
