Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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