how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All the doctor said was why
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
