The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
