I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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