i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
