I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i think i just lost a toe
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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