With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
