I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
