so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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