My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
