capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
