this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
