I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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