The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
