Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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