I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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