hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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