So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
