My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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