Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish my penis had an off switch
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
