I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
