I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
