Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
