chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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