what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
