Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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