Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize