explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
