Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
