kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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