Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
