so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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