I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
