Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
