I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
