Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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