I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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